May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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