Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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