Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
