About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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