drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize