Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
