Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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