just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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