Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
