More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
