I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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