if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
