Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
