he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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