The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
