u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
