whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
