ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize