That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
