This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I smell stomach acid.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
