dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
