he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
