I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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