Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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