He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
