you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
