I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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