I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
