Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
