I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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