How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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