Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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