I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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