I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
