Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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