how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
