I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
