My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh god it's open bar.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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