New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
