i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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