It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
