You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
