There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
