I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
