My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
