Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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