moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
