He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bring me that man meat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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