i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize