my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize