I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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