i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
