I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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