Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize