so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
