who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
