let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
vagina is talking i cant
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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