her vagine was all disorganized.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
