Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The Olympian is in my bed
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