Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
