He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
