he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
