I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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