It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
